To Dementia With Love
To Dementia With Love was launched in 2025. It’s Dr Debra Graves’ personal account of caring for her husband Don, who had dementia. The book was co-written by Debra and Jane Carstens.
To Dementia With Love offers a unique blend of heartfelt storytelling and practical insights of how Debra approached caring for her husband. Refusing to follow traditional caregiving norms, Debra wrote her own rules. She created a life filled with dignity, joy and connection for her adored husband, despite the challenges they faced together.
“When caring for anyone who has dementia, taking a personalised approach makes a lot of sense. It’s important to remember that someone with dementia is still a person, who had personal interests and preferences before their diagnosis.
“Personalised care is about tailoring care to the person they have always been. For instance, don’t change how you lived your lives just because of a dementia diagnosis; if your loved one enjoyed going to concerts, keeping going to concerts for as long as you can.”
-Dr Debra Graves
“I found, when I was caring for my husband who had dementia, when we did things he enjoyed before his diagnosis, he was much more present, content and happy. When he was first diagnosed, I was given books that said, you had to have a set routine and not to deviate from that, but I realised this was not making Don happy.
“I thought, I know my husband better than anybody else, so I chose our own pathway for his dementia journey and tried to lead as normal a life as possible.”
— Dr Debra Graves
